I treasured this miracle moment that so clearly illuminated my weakness of not living in the present moment. But the vast chasm between being aware of a weakness and knowing how to fix that weakness was daunting. The problem felt as big and hopeless as curing world hunger. I cared deeply but had no idea how to begin. Couldn’t someone give me a step-by-step solution? A Youtube instructional video?
I’m hoping to save someone 20 years with this article because that’s how long it took me to find a solution! The method I found was free, took very little time, and minimal effort. Bonus: there was a Youtube instructional video!
http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evJHBLldMsE
Brian Allred is my counselor. He’s an unassuming soul full of wisdom and thoughtful listening. When he invited me to try meditation, I felt like it might work but was intimidated and overwhelmed at the thought of trying. The turning point came when I showed up for my weekly Weight Watchers meeting and the whole meeting was on meditation! A quick search of Youtube for guided two-minute meditations yielded helpful resources.
There are so many free and helpful resources for meditation! Please see my resources page for a list.
Right away, I noticed how good it felt to exercise my new “mental muscles” I was strengthening through meditation. People with ADHD often struggle with “rushing thoughts”. I once heard someone compare an ADHD brain to an open door through which thoughts flow. Other people can close the door but it’s harder for us ADHDers. More thoughts rush through the door than we know how to manage. Instead of trying to control the thoughts or the door, Mediation is the practice of watching the thoughts without judgment.
Andy from the Headspace meditation app compares thoughts to cars going by on a road. This resonated with me! My brain was so full of these thought-cars that I was in almost constant mental traffic jams. When I got out there and tried to manage all the thought-cars, I felt overwhelmed and frustrated. Through meditation, I learned to stop chasing the cars. Instead, I sit by the side of the road and watch them go by. Troubling thoughts are still there, but instead of chasing them, I’m watching them from the sidelines. It is such a relief to not be held captive by my thoughts!
Like a car speeding by in a blur, sometimes thoughts come and go so fast, I hardly recognize them. But when I started meditating, or sitting by the roadside watching the thought-cars go by, they seemed to slow down enough for me to see them more clearly. A Pinto was a self-critical thought. A Red convertible BMW was a memory of a “good mom moment.”
On days when a lot of red convertible BMWs went by, I was able to see a pattern of positive thoughts and behaviors that led to the good thoughts. Likewise, when I became overwhelmed with clunkers, I found a pattern of thoughts and behaviors (for example, forgetting to pray and meditate) that led to the negative thought pattern.
The more I paid attention, the more I was able to see what made the Clunkers go away and the red BMWs stay. Two years later, these mental muscles have given me power over the thoughts driving through my head. This new leverage has made for a smoother, more enjoyable ride!
Meditation as Medication Part 3: The Reward
