I woke to the crackling of fires and the soft huff of my children breathing. In the camp site next to ours, I heard the click of the camp stove. My sister Janet was starting her morning. Before long the scent and sizzle of bacon reached my senses. My kids would complain about oatmeal again. I hadn’t packed the most glamorous of camping food. Definitely no bacon for us. Details weren’t my strong point and camping seemed to be full of them. A pang of shame filled my chest as I pictured Janet’s organized campsite; details were her superpower.
Opening my phone and scripture app as part of my morning routine, Luke 4:18 stared back at me:
The spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of the sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised.
The phrases “deliverance to the captives” and “set at liberty” caused me to utter the following prayer:
“I know that comparing myself to other people is toxic. I pray to be delivered, to be set at liberty from this weakness and bad habit.”
As if in response, a phrase came into my head: LOOK UP, NOT OVER.
Look up to God, to my Higher Power, instead of looking over to compare myself to other people. The thought hit me with such force, I felt as if the top of my head opened on a hinge and a fresh rain washed through my mind, rinsing away toxic thoughts and leaving a burst of post-rain freshness and clarity. I lay on my half-deflated air mattress in utter amazement.
As my mind wrapped itself around this concept, a feeling as light and spacious as sunshine filled me up. I recognized the feeling as hope. Hope I could be healed from the toxic habit of comparison. Suddenly, instead of dreading the coming hours, I was excited for the day before me. Whispering a prayer of gratitude, I rolled out of my sleeping bag, pulled on my shoes, and crawled out of my tent.
Greeting me was a trash covered picnic table. I had forgotten to put away the trash the night before and an animal had torn it apart, strewing remnants of yesterday’s chili over the table. Janet waved me a cheerful hello as she wiped off her clean table, decorated with a bright tablecloth. I had the distinct impression of swallowing a brick. More details I had forgotten. But then I remembered.
LOOK UP, NOT OVER.
So I looked up, lifted my face to the sky. And there, towering above me were glorious evergreens backed by cloudless, everlasting blue. A gentle stream of sunshine warmed my face, and I thought to myself, there is no place I would rather be than beneath this blue sky. It was going to be a beautiful day.
Moments from that glorious day:
Janet with all our beautiful children.
My 8-year-old Daughter enjoying the sunset on the Pacific Ocean
Note: Imagine my surprise when I heard the talk, Don’t’ Look Around, Look Up by Elder Yoon Hwan Choi. His talk shares the same principles of my story. I want to clarify that I wrote this article before I heard this talk given in a general conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
